She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Never underestimate the power of titties
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
