So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This house was built for laser tag.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
