i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
did you just send me my own nude
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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