i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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