Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
