she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
