I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
