I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
