just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
