Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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