Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
