How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize