we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
