Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
