Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got inside last night via doggy door
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
