Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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