Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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