His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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