May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
