I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
