I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
