just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
