Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
