So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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