My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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