im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have aggressive nipples.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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