ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
