She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
