Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
