It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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