we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
