Your face is a jimmy john
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
