can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
