I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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