She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize