Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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