I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
