Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
