I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
