I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
