I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
