Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
