Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
