I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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