I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
