Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
