how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
