thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
