he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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