addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
