Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He passed out mid-signature
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My penis needs a shock collar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
