i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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