Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
