please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
