I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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