I will die if light touches me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
