I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So many bounce houses so little time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
