You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize