I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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