Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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