You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
