Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
