He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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