Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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