I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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