Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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