Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
