if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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