She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
