Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
