I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
