there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
