Kiss
Puke
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
