i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
