Pants 0. Shit 1.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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